MARIA MACHADO
Just 80 miles south of San Diego, Ensenada, a coastal city in Baja California, boasts aquamarine beaches, distant mountains circling its edges, and a bustling nightlife scene that reels hundreds of thousands of tourists in each year. Locals call it “the Cinderella of the Pacific.” And just like the magic of the fairy tale itself, 50-year-old Maria Machado thinks of Ensenada as not a place, but an illusion.
“I have dreams of moving back there,” said Machado, who lived in the city center of Ensenada for the first 21 years of her life.
Los Angeles, a city she was familiar with because her father worked there and sent money back to their family often, was never in mind for her own personal trajectory. Machado had her own life in Ensenada. She studied to be a surgical nurse, shadowing the quick movements and caring procedures necessary for the job. Machado found a home within the hospital she worked at, complete with compassionate coworkers and the chance to rise within its ranks.
However content she was at work, a brooding sense of worry grew within her each time she clocked out towards the end of her fourth year there. Machado had married at a young age and had started to feel its consequences accumulate. Leaving the hospital meant entering doors she felt suffocated in. The reality of her toxic relationship began to outweigh her love for the hospital, for her neighbors who greeted her warmly every morning, and for Mexico overall. The thing about suffocating is that there is not much one won’t do to survive. What Machado hoped would be her breath of fresh air was Los Angeles. Quite unheard of in Mexican culture, she packed her bags and was ready to leave before she looked her husband in the eyes and let him know she was moving to Los Angeles to see if there was even a chance to mend their relationship.
Without a chance to say goodbye to her coworkers and friends, she was in Los Angeles. Machado was finally able to breathe, but it came at the cost of feeling dread seep into every ounce of her being.
“Life in Mexico is so much more calm. There isn’t as much stress and definitely not as much pressure,” she said.
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Pangs of anxiety hit her when she realized not as many people as she thought spoke Spanish. Without a support system to turn to, Machado did not flinch when her husband followed in her footsteps and joined her in L.A. The cowering would come soon though because when you lose something, the more attention you pay so it does not happen again.
With at least someone home, Machado was invigorated by the chance of continuing her nursing education and taking ESL classes at a local adult school. Her husband did not let her.
“It was wrong, but at the time, I was scared and felt like I had no choice,” Machado said.
Machado became pregnant shortly after her husband’s move, reinforcing the need to stay in one place. Her baby boy soon got sick and needed multiple surgeries. Luckily, their new insurance completely covered everything. All Machado would have to do is take care of him day in and day out. She didn’t mind.
Years went by until Machado finally decided to start working eight years ago.
“It was a necessity,” she said.
Machado’s palms, now speckled with callouses, are the result of cleaning houses five days a week, often using harsh chemicals to ensure her work is spotless. She doesn’t mind the hustle and bustle because the idea of what could have been is a weight on her shoulders that bothers her more than cleaning up after others.
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“I regret listening my husband for the sake of having a happy home. I dropped studying and working. I didn’t put my foot down,” Machado said. “I could’ve been a nurse here and we wouldn’t be living on Section-8 and I wouldn’t have to clean houses. If you want something, fight for it.”
Machado has though. Four years ago at 46, she taught herself how to drive so her daughter would not have to take the bus to school. It terrified her, but she said she had to do it. Either way, it was better than having her husband try to teach her. Machado no longer has to take the bus and gives her housekeeper friends rides, too, she said with a smile.
The magic of returning to Ensenada still lingers over her, but that’s not to say there’s none in Los Angeles. There’s more than plenty of magic in the hands that have and continue to endure sacrifice to make others’ lives easier.